No good deed

I’m allowed to be mad

I did everything. Everything I could for you. I put you in a house. Gave you a car. Helped you get a job. My family did that for you. We did it for you. We helped you get your life together. And you got up and left. 

I understand that it was too much for you. The move was hard. It was different. A functioning house, family. It was too much too soon. But all you had to do was fucking say something. Tell me something was wrong. 

If you didn’t like how you were being treated by them or me, all you needed to do is say you needed to have a fucking heart to heart and explode with everything. That would have fixed this. Not leaving. You ruined everything. 

Everyone loved you. Considered you part of our family. My sister looked up to you like you were her older sister she never had. She loved you. So much. You destroyed her. I hate you for that, because she didn’t deserve that at all. And its bullshit that you couldn’t handle it. You come from a family of 6. Form a new excuse thats actually plausible. 

When things go bad in a relationship, you talk it out. We had a rough year. The first two were great. You don’t fucking LEAVE just because life gets hard. You’ll learn that. You can run off with this guy and fuck him how you want and post all about it. But the romance will dwindle. And you’ll think back about us. And you’ll realize how great a person you left. I was mean, I wasn’t there. I know that. But I was those things because of the circumstances. Because of the time. 

I didn’t even have time for caring for myself. How could I worry about teaching, working 40 hours a week, making sure you were set up, going to school, and all the other stressful shit in my life and still have time for the extra. How could I do that if I didn’t have the time for myself? Now I have the time. But you fucked up and went off with this guy. 

Honestly, he’s fucking fat and disgusting. Have fun with that. Its exciting because its new. But that dies quick. He won’t be strong like me. With all the shit I’ve done for you. Because I loved you more than myself, more than anything Ive ever loved. You filled the void when all the things I loved died. Family members, friends leaving. You filled it. Now you left an even bigger void. 

But you don’t give a shit. And that is what amazes me. Your so ungrateful. Never once did I ever hear a You do so much for me, thank you. Not once can I recall that. Its not like I needed to hear it everyday. You didn’t have to live in debt to me. Thats not what I wanted. Just recognition that You knew how much I was busting my ass for you. How much my family busted their asses for you. 

But no. You didn’t actively try to solve anything. You reverted back to the selfish person you are. You’ll crash. Like you always do. Expect now, now I won’t be there when you need me. I know I said I would be. But Ive changed my mind. This isn’t my darkness. This is me moving on from you. You never made me feel loved. Not at least in this last year. 

All we had to do is talk. Talk about how we felt about each other, made corrections. Then we would have been fine. If you actively voiced how you felt for once. 

But instead you actively sought out a new dick to sit on. 

So much for not wanting to disappoint anyone. You’ve done a fine job at that. You’ve disappointed my family, mother, father, brother, sister, grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins. A whole family now hates you. 

You’re a disappointment. Especially to me. Because I deserved none of this. Not one part. 

So much for not wanting to be in a cyclical life style. Because you’re right back where you started.

You get sad about one thing and move on. You’re just like your mother. So much for not wanting to be like her. 

I’m done with you. I’m done because you’re not the person who I know you are. You’ve changed, temporarily. But thats enough for me to know that there is no going back. 

Don’t come back.